I'm Mid-20s, and my friends are having Babies.

Yesterday, I went to my second baby shower this year. And at all baby showers, girls talk about life. Single women talk about dating ( especially the lack of dating) and getting married, and married women talk about having babies or taking care of babies. At this particular baby shower, none were married and most were not in any kind of dating relationship. So, we could all sympathize with each others.. hahaha..

Its weird to slowly see my acquaintances and friends getting married and having babies, and I ..... am in Dallas, TX. NOT TO SAY that I don't enjoy being single, but its just weird to see them in different phases of their lives; when only a few years ago, these same people were in the same life phase of being single and studying.

Sometimes I am a bit envious because they are going through all these new kinds of experiences, but other times, I am grateful that I can avoid all the troubles associated with those experiences. Ultimately, I have to continually remind myself that God knows what was going to happen to me, and trust God is ultimately working ALL things for good- beyond my short- sightness on things. Cause who am I to question his judgement?

And I am actually enjoying watching others go through these transitions. Because it definitely true being a Wedding Guess is a heck a lot more fun than being in the Bridal Party ( even though I was MIA in planning my own sister's wedding. I get tired just hearing about other girls experiences in planning a wedding )

Anyways, the baby shower was cute. It had its baby cake, the typical party games of measuring the mommy's stomach, and the other what-nots..

However, the cutest thing at the party was this Diaper cake.

This is a picture of the diaper cake from the baby shower. When I first saw it from the distance, I was thinking, " Wow.. that's a lot of money to spend on a cake for a baby shower?" I came up to the cake and thought how mad cute it was to roll up all those diapers and staking them up with ribbons and flowers. Good job!!!!!


AND ALSO:
SHELLY RUINED MY DREAMS OF MOVING TO CALIFORNIA FOR SCHOOL... NOW WHY WOULD I GO TO OMAHA, NEBRASKA ??? THAT WOULD BE LIKE A STEP DOWN FROM DALLAS.. URGGGGG

What is Kigurumin?

Well, after Connie posted that awesome dance video.. I thought I would better explain "kigurumin". Kigurumin are people who decide to dress in animal pajamas. It was a very popular Japanese Street style in the late 90's in the harajuku district of Japan. It was mostly part of the subculture of Ganguro. Ganguro is an alternative fashion where young Japanese women get tans and dye their hair blonde. 

"Researchers in the field of Japanese studies believe that ganguro is a form of revenge against traditional Japanese society due to resentment of neglect, isolation, and constraint of Japanese society. This is their attempt at individuality, self-expression, and freedom, in open defiance of school standards and regulations." (Liu, Xuexin) 

Here is an intro video about the fashion. 

I have always love Japanese Street fashion and other alternative fashion. Alternative fashion is creative and expressive. You can go wild with your imagination and you don't feel like everyone else. However, when I wore alternative fashion in public--it was more than just liking the clothes. I think like most people who wear alternative fashion it was about something more; the mutual feeling of loneliness, being an outcast and rebellion against society norms.

As a teenager and young adult, I felt I had little control over my life. Wearing alternative clothes was one of the ways I cope and made myself more in control. Instead of feeling like an outcast for being Korean American, Half-Breed, Loner... I put those feeling into my clothes. A lot of people thought I was weird but people who like me--were similar to me. We shared the same mutual feeling of not belonging. In my social group, alternative fashion gave me a feeling of belonging. 

Alternative fashion help me find a group of people that struggled with not fitting into mainstream America. In our misfit outcast group, we became a family.  A family that experience many similar memories of being teased and feeling different. Instead of "feeling hurt", we expressed our raged through our clothes. If society rejected us, we wanted to show everyone. We found others like us and form a anti-mainstream social group. Alternative fashion made it easier for me to cope with the feelings of being alone and disliked. It gave me a feeling of peace about my place in the world and made me realized that it's okay if I'm not normal.  

I think this video can show you some of my feelings... 

Did you went through a period of time where you felt like you didn't belong? How were you able to cope with those feelings? 

Shelly's Recaps Part One: Dating

Khoo and I got married twice. Once in court on November 21st, 2008 and another in front of all our family and friends on June 26th, 2009. Once a week on Thursday, I'll do a recap on our wedding and relationship. These posts will show all the little details and what made the event oh-so-special. 

Part One: Dating 

Khoo and I met at work. We bonded over our work labor and after four months of sharing our souls, we admitted to each other that we liked each other. Even though we liked each other, we decided not to date each other. Both of us wanted to keep a professional work relationship and did not want to jeopardize our careers. 

Khoo wrote this message in myspace during that time: 

"Risks.

Why is it that we're f***ed no matter what road we take?

To take the risk, to plunge into the unknown...

Risk are risk because we can either f*** ourselves over or come out lucky with the greatest of outcomes...

Then again if we don't take the risk, we won't ever feel the backlashes of our failures... but we won't ever feel the warmth of success... which usually leads to what if's running rampant through our minds and unforgettable regrets.

When we choose to take that risk and it goes sour... does that regret last as long as if you never took it?

To live in safety... or to say 'atleast I gave it my all'...

What path would you choose?

I'm so confused..."

After two months of liking each other but "staying friends", one night changed all that and our future relationship. 

It all started when I was watching a movie in Khoo's room. I was in a chair and he was on the floor. He than looked at me and asked me, "Can I kiss you?".  I was shocked. For the past two months I've been dreaming of this moment. However, I never really thought it would of come true. I felt my face flushed. I than felt myself unable to speak. I can't say anything but I nod my head "yes". He than stood up and leaned into my face. He kissed me. 

After that night we started an unprofessional relationship. 

Vicki's Rant on Ranting.

Lately, I have been ranting a lot on abstract concepts . Ranting about the christianity, ranting about racism, ranting about sexism and all the in-betweens. And I think the biggest part of my ranting is my feelings of frustration that others just don't care.

I think compared to my other sisters, I have the biggest problem with being a mixed child. I seem to care the most about the topic of being a Hapa-Korean, while my other sisters live in some kind of complete peace and tranquility about the topic. However, I don't know why I feel so bothered by this .

I think the biggest reason is that I spend a significantly more time with Korean Americans than my other sisters. I go to a Korean American church, which is the epicenter of Korean American Civic life of every Korean American community. So, I feel like I run against these walls of discreet racism and sexism, which many, but not all, seem to be insignificant or simply not real according to others. Especially, when it happens within a church, I get a little bit concerned of the hypocrisy of it. And honestly, that's what drives me crazy, when I am told that its not that big of a deal.

I don't want to justify what I see as racism or sexism because its almost saying what I see and feel is not credible enough. I can explain it, but yet again, how do I explain something to a person who lacks the experience to understand.

It would be like a black man trying to explain to a white man how it is to grow up being a black man. How much can a white man really understand just how is it?

For example, when a I hear Korean American Girls and Guys say they would prefer to marry a Korean, it almost feel like they are saying that having a half-breed child is less than a preferred choice. Its saying, not so blatantly, that someone like me is a undesirable outcome.

Or when I see Korean American girls who always.. always.. talk about loosing weight. Is that because being an American sized girl is unfeminine, and thus, undesirable? Do Korean American girls have to accept this form of sexism that says that there is "preferred" body ?

And when you put racism and sexism together, there are some real double standards. Where Half Koreans are praised as hotties in Korean media, and then I am in bar in Seoul with another half Korean girl who is sobbing over her third beer on how unattractive she is in Korea and to Korean Americans (and this is a real story)

And at the end, no one cares to even think this is a real issue - I guess racism and sexism should only be in the black and white dialogue.

Or maybe, I need to spend less time with Korean Americans like my sisters, because why am I subjecting myself to these race and gender identity issues?